Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode Nine: 'Turn Table Turn'

A lot of stuff happened in this episode. Cue bullet points!

• Morello's paranoia is really going full-force -- she's starting to think her sister is having an affair with Vinny 
•  Feeling the heat from the guards, Maritza tries to throw a spanner in the works of Maria's business by dobbing in her simple cousin Alonzo.
• Sister Sarah Jane Ingalls (Beth Fowler) is trying to get thrown in the Shoe to find out what happened to Sophia, but this coincides with 
• Piper wants a burger
• Cindy and Judy have to keep up the charade that they're lovers
• Red tries to deal with Nicky's drug relapse

As far as the main plot, the focus is on Blanca. 

She comes up with a plan to stop the guards' frisk-and-searches -- using bad tuna and other scents to put them off.

Sadly, the COs figure out what is going on and force Blanca to stand on one of the cafeteria tables.

Best zinger: "In this case I'm the sexy arm candy and she's the ageing playboy" -- Cindy

Flashback: Blanca! Laura Gomez must be so happy to have an episode where she doesn't have to look like Reagan from The Exorcist.

She works as home help for an elderly woman who is extremely controlling and pedantic. Life is made easier when Blanca meets a handsome gardener, Diablo.

In petty retaliation, the elderly woman fires Diablo. 

This leads to one of the best scenes in the season. Blanca gets her own back by having extremely loud sex with Diablo in the old woman's bedroom while she watches in horror.

Final thoughts: Overall, this is a fun episode made more so by the focus on Blanca.

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Episode 7

Episode 8

Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode Eight: 'Friends In Low Places'

While Piper tries to recover from her branding last episode, events continue to shove the cast toward their own individual and collective cataclysms.

Let's start with the lighter stuff (although that's relative this episode). Nicky hunts around for some ACTION. She doesn't get any this episode, but she does get to learn a bunch of super-dark shit. Her prowling does causes problems for her ex, Morello. Her paranoia about what her husband is up to outside increases.

Meanwhile, Judy King and Cindy come together for the series' most unlikely coupling.

And now to the dark stuff.

Things continue to go downhill on the Spanish side of Litchfield. Maritza tries to back out of the panty smuggling business after she almost gets caught. Maria has other ideas. Ever since her punishment she has really gone to the other extreme. 

Aleida has made a start at her own nail saloon in Sophia's old digs. At least for a hot minute. Like Maritza, she is starting to get bad vibes from Maria. After the discovery of the panty business, the inmates working at Whispers have to be replaced -- so now Maria's crew literally have nothing except drugs to make a business from.

The season's other Bigger Bad, MCC, is also making its presence felt in the cluster-f of Construction 101. All the people who used to make lingerie for Whispers now have to do 'vocational training' i.e. building a new dorm for no pay. The result of Linda's revision of Caputo's educational initiatives, this is the series' biggest (or at least, most obvious) critique of the financial imperatives which make private prisons unworkable.

Speaking of Linda, she has gone from corporate b!tch to full-on psycho. From the absurd amount of salt she pours in Caputo's spaghetti sauce, to pulling a frickin' gun on Crystal Burset (Tanya Wright), Linda is really showing her true colours this episode. And Mr 'sideboobrulez' LOVES it.

Christ, Caputo has really fallen off a cliff. 

I'm hoping this is the set-up to a storyline wherein they break up, she shoots him with that gun, and then she ends up at Litchfield.

Best zinger: "It's not cheating if it's different zip codes" -- Nicky Nicholls

Flashback: No flashback again. We're just stuck in the hell of the present. It's a nice touch that the writers don't feel the need to pointlessly include flashbacks when they don't need to.

Final thoughts: Following on from last episode's cliffhanger ending, it now feels like the set-up is over, and now the payoff begins. A dark episode, but it feels like things are about to get even worse.

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Episode 7

Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode Seven: 'It Sounded Nicer In My Head'

AKA the fall of Piper Chapman. 

Okay, so Piper's not really around that much this episode, but boy do her scenes count. Before we get to that ending, lets get through the other stuff.

On the bright side, we do get Nicky back, and an awkward scene where Piper has to introduce her to her skinhead flunkies.

Taystee, Cindy, Susan and Alison are still trying to get a picture of Judy King. This happens to coincide with the release of a video of a extremely racist puppet show that King made decades ago. Already on edge, King becomes terrified when Cindy, Susan and Alison keep turning up. 

Oh, and on the Caputo side of things: Linda's a corporate gargoyle -- HOLY SHIT. Didn't see that one coming. 

Now back to the meat.

This whole episode -- excluding Lolly's storyline -- was about racism, the power it creates and removes. The racial tensions Piper and the new guards have started have been stoking up for a while now, and it was about time they blew up. And that doesn't include Judy King's puppets.

It's not hard to see Piper's dilemma as the same one the GOP finds itself in now. After decades of tacitly prompting race to get votes, their chickens have come home to roost.

The finale to this episode was sad and cathartic at the same time. On the one hand, Piper realised that she was all alone and acknowledged what she had done to her brow-beaten bunkmate, Hapakuka (Jolene Purdy, who I just discovered was Cherita Chen in Donnie Darko). And then she gets jumped by the Dominicans and gets branded with a Swastika.

On the other hand, it felt like Piper had just hit rock bottom. Hopefully the branding is the final straw that forces her out of this mindset of being the 'boss'.

Best zinger: "I can't help you but I'm rooting for you" -- Piper 

Flashback: Lolly Whitehill (Lori Petty) is another character who has been in the background, and used for a little colour and humour. 

Now, with Lolly get more involved in storylines, we are finally getting some backstory.

Starting as a journalist for a free weekly newsletter, Lolly's voices mean she is soon living on the streets and selling home made coffee. Frankly she seems more functional on the outside -- she likes to help people, and wards off her voices with the noise from a stick covered in jangly metal. Sadly, that implement gets her in trouble with the law. Boom. Prison. 

In the present, Lolly has built a time machine in the laundry to act as her refuge -- this leads to another good moment for Healey (can't believe I'm writing this), and a genuine breakthrough for both of them. Lolly might have found an anchor to reality, while Healey is beginning to expose a little of the pain that makes him such a prick.

In an episode filled with people at their worst (even Nicky -- by the end of the episode, she's found a new drug source), it is rare moment of shared empathy.

Final thoughts: After half a season of mounting tension, this episode marks the breaking point. And what a payoff!

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode Six: 'Piece of Sh*t'

This episode was dark. All the forces which have been converging thus far are starting to come to a head: 

• Piper's 'taskforce' is basically a white power gang working with the new, brutal CO to crack down on the new Spanish inmates 
• On a brighter note, Brooke and Poussey seem to have cemented their bond and moved beyond the awkwardness of a few episodes ago.
• Overcrowding is really starting to cause headaches for everybody

The main action of the episode is based around stoner/CO/assholeJoel Luschek (Matt Peters). Luschek   starts getting notes with single sentence insults -- it turns out they are the work of Natasha Lyonne's Nicky Nicholls. Since we last saw her, Nicholls has completed rehab and is sleepwalking through life in max. 

Enlisting the counsel of Judy King, Luschek tries to get rid of the guilt he feels about what happened. This culminates in a visit to max, which goes as expected: Nicholls lets him have it and falls into a deeper funk. Clued in by casual lover Stella Carlin (Ruby Rose), she also falls back into drugs. 

Ironically, this regression takes place just as Caputo is signing off on her return to Litchfield. This action has been engineered by Judy King's lawyers, and she uses this power to force Luschek into a sexual relationship. Ewww. At least we found what her motives were, I guess?

On the Maria front, the Latinas start in celebration at the launch of their new venture. Fresh of her last minute save last episode, Maritza gets rewarded for helping Maria's business get off the ground, and gets a new Bond-inspired nickname, Pants-y Galore. This season looks like it's about to get EXTREMELY dark, so any pinprick of levity would be much appreciated. More Guerrero, please. 

However, nothing is as rosy as it seems.

Despite its founder's escape, Piper's internal police force is working exactly as it was supposed to -- screw shit up and raise ethnic tensions between the inmates. Ironically, this bunch of moronic racists stumble upon Piper's panty business.

In order to save herself, Piper leaves evidence under Maria's bunk and tips off the guards, who then finger her as the panty kingpin. Threatened with more years on her sentence, and the prospect that she will miss more of her daughter's life, Maria goes nuclear. With nothing to lose, she revokes her previous ban on dealing hard drugs. If Chapman wants a war, she's going to get one.

Best zinger: "You are a straight white man. You don't get to be the victim, sweetie" -- Judy King

Flashback: Interesting. No flashback this episode -- just the miserable present. The structure of the story doesn't really permit it, plus the lack of cutaways forces the viewer to really experience the sense of entrapment all the characters are feeling. In the end, they are just like the characters in that Twilight Zone episode CO Healy describes -- just small people in a world they do not recognise, and powerless to escape it.

Final thoughts: Easily the most depressing ending to an episode this season, Episode Five sees the tensions between Piper and Maria escalate, while old favourite Nicholls is cursed to repeat the cycle that got her sent to max in the first place. And then there's Sophia -- nothing in her cell but blood on the walls. Ugh.  

A few episodes back, I mentioned that one of the key themes of the show is the idea that even a good person will do things which are ostensibly selfless for selfish reasons. Well, this episode gets rid of the 'good'  part and just focuses on the selfishness. Everyone is out for themselves. Luschek just wants to stop feeling guilty, Judy King wants a stooge, Piper wants to retain her status. Ironically the only people who are not out for themselves are Brooke and Poussey -- which means they're probably going to get in the way, somehow.

Next episode is going to be interesting...

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode Five: 'We'll Always Have Baltimore'

Events are really coming to a head now.

Caputo goes to a conference with Linda, where we meet her nemesis, Kip Carnighan -- this was a real treat, because he's played by one of my favourite actors, Chris Sarandon. Sadly, he's not in it much, but we do get to see MCC scion Danny Pearson (Mike Birbiglia) again. Now a full-time protestor, he starts an altercation during Linda's panel, and warns Caputo that Linda is even worse than his dad. Caputo ignores the advice and complete his descent into full-on douchebag, as he gets down with Linda.

Flaca's bestie Maritza Ramos (Diane Guerrero) has been in the background for the last couple seasons, generally popping in for comic relief, but in this episode Guerrero gets to stretch a bit. Now responsible for driving the prison van, she tries to help Maria get her new product out of the prison.

Meanwhile, Taystee takes Caputo's absence as an opportunity to surf the web, while Susan and Morello try to solve the mystery of the 'squatter' who keeps defecating in the showers.

On the Piper front, she forms a relationship with Piscatella (Brad William Henke), the new CO in order to thwart the Spanish, playing on his fear of gangs to get the COs to racially profile Maria's girls. Piper then tries to organise a massive snitch against her competition, and inadvertently creates a 'White Power' gang. Great job blondie! 

Best one-liner: "You know what gets me so hot, is when guys compare me to breakfast. And when they talk about me like I'm not even here. How 'bout you call me 'that oatmeal in the front seat' and I'll be so yours" -- Maritza Ramos

Flashback: Maritza Ramos (Diane Guerrero). As stated in the beginning, she's been minor comic relief since Season One, and this is the first time we get some real insight into her character. Thankfully, after the rather dark flashbacks we've had in the last few episodes (even Soso's, while funny, is really dark), this is a nice respite, and a good showcase for Guerrero's comedic chops.

Starting as a cocktail waitress who engages in small time grifting, Maritza gets involved with a team of professional con men.

They run a scam where she has to pretend to be a salesperson at a high-class car dealership so she can get clients (preferably horny old rich guys) to give her their information. She then pretends to be their spouse, gets permission to take the car for a spin and then boosts the car.

Everything goes off without a hitch, except the salesperson she gives the ID to jumps in the backseat to explain the car's features. Instant SNAFU. The back-and-forth in the car is excruciating. I wound up pausing as the clueless salesman asks them about their 'relationship'.

Funny and tense, it is more of a caper, with a hilariously random conclusion. It also dovetails nicely with Maritza in the present: treated like a silly child, it is her idea to get Maria's product out of the prison, and her quick thinking which saves the operation when it nearly goes tits up. She is not the dumb not-blonde people think she is.

Final thoughts: A fun episode that ends with a blackly comic punchline. A previously minor character gets some solid character development, and our lunk-headed lead starts a race war. Bring on Episode Six!

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Bond 25 speculation: Directors

When Tom Hiddleston’s turn in The Night Manager put him in the spotlight for 007’s tux, it came as no surprise that the helmer of the series, Susanne Bier was briefly floated as a potential candidate to direct Bond 25. 

Last year, I wrote a post about offbeat directors I would like to see tackle a Bond movie. With plans for the next movie up in the air, and no firm idea of who will ultimately sit in the chair, let’s engage in a little speculation. 

Denis Villeneuve  

A self-proclaimed Bond fan, Villeneuve has made a name for himself with some truly incredible thrillers. While his facility with lighter material has not been tested, he could be a logical choice if the producers want to go even darker. He might also be able to bring Skyfall DOP Roger Deakins back as cinematographer. They have collaborated several times, and Spectre lacked that special magic Deakins brings to the table. This choice might seem a bit too high brow, but after Sam Mendes and Marc Forster, it seems like the days of competent journeymen directors helming Bond films might be over.

Paul Feig

Spy was one of the best comedies of last year, and represented Feig’s long-held desire to helm a Bond movie. If the series’ backers decide to shift tone back toward the camp and silly, Feig is the perfect chaperone to manage the transition.

Shane Black

Like Ian Fleming, Shane Black was born and raised on pulp detective thrillers. He has no shame about staying in genre pictures, but has the intelligence and talent to elevate such material above the formulaic into brutal poetry. He would also bring the funny. And probably set it at Christmas.

John Michael McDonagh

The ‘other’ McDonagh made his name with the terrific buddy comedy The Guard, turning Brendan Gleeson into the world’s least likely badass. I already brought him up in my last post, but I really think he would be a great choice. Combining terrific repartee with a great collection of oddball characters and inspired set pieces, The Guard is a truly terrific piece of work. Despite good notices, McDonagh remains an underrated talent. He hasn’t quite attained the same level of fame as brother Martin (In Bruges), and might be a good pick for either writing or directing a future Bond picture.

Alex Garland

Garland enjoys genre-hopping so this might not be entirely out of the realm of possibility. He has a talent for constructing tight, claustrophobic genre pictures (Dredd, Ex Machina) with deft touches of character and humour. Spectre cost about 250 million dollars -- scaling things back might be on the producers’ minds, and Garland would be perfect for this. Plus Bond could use a good dance scene…

Gareth Evans

Might as well throw his name in because it's a pretty obvious choice. Evans has proven himself as a master of action, and might be able to bring another level of visceral impact and dynamism to the action. Aside from the train fight, Spectre was a little leaden in its set pieces, and Evans could provide a much needed dose of adrenaline to the aging franchise. There are a few minor caveats: Evans  hasn’t quite proved his dramatic chops yet, and the Raids aren’t exactly a barrel of laughs. That kind of b-movie intensity might be a little out-of-place.  

Christopher McQuarrie

This is a bit of wish fulfilment, but after his great work on M:I 5 (see my review from last year), McQuarrie has proved his chops as a great maker of smart big budget entertainment. He can do the style and set pieces in his sleep, but could add genuine depth to Bond 25 without making it feel pretentious or too serious. In many ways, Rogue Nation captured the tone of the best Bonds of yesteryear, and combined with his work on Jack Reacher and Edge of Tomorrow, is an excellent resume if the Broccoli-Wilson camp start looking in his direction. 

Jaume Collet-Serra

Probably the most likely choice to actually a) want the gig and b) get the job, Collet-Serra has proven himself as a smart, technically stylish genre filmmaker. Having made the stronger entries in the Liam Neeson 'action man' cycle, Collet-Serra knows his way around action, and as showcased in his underrated House of Wax and terrific child horror Orphan, he can handle suspense and horror with flair. He might be a bit dark, but he knows how to make enjoyable popcorn fare that manages to stay the right side of silly -- which is pretty much the recipe for a good Bond flick. Plus he would probably be cheaper than some of the other choices on this list.

Bonus dark horse favourite

Martin Campbell

Nothing would be more poetic than for the Bond braintrust to go back to the man who saved the franchise twice before. The director of Brosnan and Craig’s debuts (as well as the swashbuckling Mask of Zorro), Campbell combines a respect for the franchise with a willingness to throw the formula away. Casino Royale remains one of the best action films of the last 20 years, and it could be argued that without Campbell, Bond’s post-Cold War  resurgence would never have happened. Bringing him back to usher a new Bond in, or give Craig a worthy exit, would not be a bad idea.

Check back in for more speculation, rumours and nonsense when Bond 25 enters pre-production later this year.

Orange Is The New Black, S4 - Episode 4: 'Doctor Psycho'

First things first: Sofia's back! 

While she isn't in a lot of the episode, Lavern Cox's return is certainly memorable -- will she get revenge on Caputo? More importantly, will she get her saloon up and running again?

And now to the meat -- two story-lines that don't seem that related and then end up weaving their way together.

On the one hand, you have Sam Healy (Michael Harney) trying to kill two birds with one stone -- forcing celebrity inmate Judy King to start a cooking class strips her of status while also providing a venue for the increased number of inmates with nothing to do. 

On the other, you have the car-crash-in-slow-motion which is Lolly (Lori Petty). Paranoid after spying a drone hovering in the yard, she believes the NSA have discovered the dismembered corpse in the garden and proceeds to lose her mind. Meanwhile Alex and Red are trying to stop Frieda (Dale Soules) from killing Lolly. 

Other plot lines do get a look-in: Piper continues to try and thwart Maria's rival panty business. Aleida (Elizabeth Rodriguez) learns that she is eligible for early parole, and has to deal with the dual tasks of learning how to live in the outside world AND try to get her kids AND Dya's baby back. 

Tiffany's confrontation with Charlie Coates has been a long time coming. Coates is a twisted little shit, and watching him to try to justify his actions is... extremely uncomfortable. Thankfully Tiffany stays her ground. Amazing how much her character has changed over the course of the series -- it was only a couple years back that she was a religious zealot trying to exorcise a kid.

Best one-liner: “Outside he’s in Side Boob. In here, he’s the head boob.” Sam Healy, master of the dud joke, finally lands one. And no one cares.

Flashback: Sam Healy. For such a shit, I can't help but feel a little empathy for him. 

Every time we learn a little bit more about his past, you really get a sense of how lost he is. Every time he tries to one-up somebody, or even when he tries to do something good, he can't help but get in his own way.

This flashback was particularly poignant. We learn that his mother ran away because she was sick of the electro-shock treatment she was getting. We then jump to the mid-nineties (signaled by a poster for Welcome To The Dollhouse), where Healy, a social worker, tries to form a relationship with one of his clients by taking her to a movie. You realize how trapped and stunted this guy is that he feels he has to abuse his position to try and make a connection with the opposite sex. 

The  night ends with him treating a homeless woman to a meal, thinking she is his long lost mother. When he realizes his mistake, he tries to force the woman to stay to keep him company. In the end, Healy is alone. 

Final thoughts: Really interesting episode. The Alex-Lolly story line was pretty tense, especially when Freida and Red become involved, but the heart of the episode was Healy's past. He's a terrible human being in so many respects, and yet every now and then, as with this episode, he manages to act like the man he clearly wants to be. 

The scene at the end when he helps Lolly evade the psych ward is unexpected, but makes sense when placed against the scene with the homeless woman. Underneath it all, Healy is just a scared little boy waiting for his mom to come home. 

That's a mawkish way to end this review, so back to Sophia. She floods her cell, starts a fire and BOOM. Back in gen pop. And we get a cameo from Natasha Lyonne's Nicky Nicholls. Yay! On to Episode Five!

For previous episodes

Episode 1 

Episode 2

Episode 3