Godzilla and King Kong go into bar...
I am not interested in shared universes - your movie should live and die on its own. End of story.
I watched Godzilla 2014 when it came out; I missed Skull Island; and I gave King of the Monsters a bad review. I cannot remember any of the minutiae of those movies, but this one benefited from the ‘versus’ element - and it was also the only big movie on the docket. Not sure who I am justifying this to, but there you go.
Godzilla v Kong is the culmination of the Warner Bros/Legendary Monster-Verse project. It is the midway point between the most cynical of studio groupthink (how can we create our own shared universe?) and a fan’s love for giant monsters smashing through buildings to get at each other.
It is pretty straightforward as a concept - and despite my experience with the previous movies, I was kinda looking forward to this monster mash.
This movie reminded me of a brownie I bought at a cafe last week - it looked like a brownie but when I bit into it it tasted like nothing.
Godzilla v Kong repeats the same problems I had with King of the Monsters - this movie has so much plot and speeds so quickly through between different characters that nothing lands.
For a movie with such a simple idea, the contrivances to get there are exhausting. We have a blatantly evil corporation, a hollow earth realm, two different groups of human figures (to call them characters would be generous) and so many fantastical ideas and technology that the two most special effects in the movie feel bland.
This movie should at least have a sense of wonder at the scale of our title duo, but the movie never slows down.
There is no sense of build-up toward the big monster fights, and then no catharsis to watching Kong punch Godzilla in the face. It is a great beat but that is it - there is no visceral thrill to their combat. It is about as involving as the endless battle from Man of Steel. I feel like I am giving Godzilla ‘14 too much credit but in hindsight I am really into its near-fetishisation of slow tension.
This movie features a great cast with nothing to do. Alexander Skaarsgard has a fanbase but he is lost in a low-status role he is totally miscast for. The two actors who manage to (occasionally) feel like interesting movie characters are Rebecca Hall and Brian Tyree Henry - she plays a scientist and he plays a conspiracy theorist. There is literally nothing more to the roles, but they are trying… something.
The big problem is that Kong and Godzilla lack personalities. It is tough when your fantasy movie is based around giant imaginary animals but the benefit of making your fantasy movie based around giant imaginary animals is that they are not real - give these guys some more personality so we do not have to cutaway you some scientist explaining what they are thinking. This is a movie not radio.
The big fight focuses largely on Godzilla and Kong, but we are never really aligned with any characters’ perspective - and we do not even get that many shots from the POV of ordinary civilians.
If you want to see your favs smash each other into indiscriminate cityscapes, you might gets some mileage out of it - but the fight is directed so perfunctorily that you will probably get bored fairly quick.
I also think the character designs work against making them feel like characters. Kong at least has a face that makes expressions, but I found it hard to know if Godzilla even had his eyes open.
This movie would have been better served as a stripped-down 90 minute slow-burn duel between the title characters. Make it a horror movie about a family trying to avoid the fight. I do not know. But this iteration does not work.
A rote end to a rote franchise, Godzilla v Kong is not worth shilling out on the big screen, and it is not entertaining enough to make for a decent rental.
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