Saturday, 6 September 2025

BITE-SIZED: Class of 1999 (Mark L. Lester, 1990)

In the future, adolescent crime has become such a major issue that the government has developed a new, lethal solution to pacify the youth: Killer androids disguised as teachers.


This movie is the kind of genre mishmash I used to love. I still like them but I was absolutely obsessed with these kinds of movies as a kid. It felt freeing, realising there are no rules.


The best example of this type of movie is something like A Chinese Ghost Story, which manages to juggle multiple tones and genres with ease.


The opposite is something like Suburbicon - where it feels like different parts of the movie are battling each other.


Class of 1999 is not that well-written, or acted, or that thought out. But my god is it entertaining.


This film is technically a thematic sequel to Class of 1984, a more straightforward action drama about a teacher (Perry King) turning vigilante when a gang of bad kids attack his family.


I have not watched it in years. I do not remember it making much of an impression beyond the credit song by Alice Cooper (‘We Are The Future’).


Class of 1999 takes the barest inspiration form it’s predecessor - a gang of school kids battling teachers in a school - and goes absolutely ham.


The kids are styled like the marauders from a Mad Max movie; the robotic teachers are clear take-offs on the Terminator (hilariously the villains’ hidden weapons would be replicated in the third Terminator sequel).


 If I wanted to break this movie down in terms of storytelling and characterisation, there is a lot to criticise. I do not want to do that - see the previous paragraphs.


The one criticism I do have is that the actors playing the robotic teachers (blaxploitation star Pam Grier, John P. Ryan and Patrick Kirkpatrick) have not come up with a shared idea of robotic behaviour. They are all kind of on their own.


Ryan is the standout as the old school disciplinarian. Armed with pipe and the piercing blue eyes, he is the stereotype of a particular kind of educator. There is a sadistic glee to his performance which falls outside of what the character is supposed to be. 


I did not really care because he is also the best performer in the movie, and his simmering menace brings a real tension to his scenes. One could also argue the machines are reflecting the sadism of their own creators -  an early scene mentions the machines are imbued with the perspective of their creators.


The third act is terrific, as the filmmakers finally let loose with their limited effects budget. A mix of make-up, puppetry and stop-motion animation, the robots’ final rampage is magnificent, and worth the wait.


It is a total rip of the third act of The Terminator but it works.


A silly, ridiculous mess, but worth watching.


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Wednesday, 3 September 2025

OUT NOW: Caught Stealing (Darren Aronofsky, 2025)

After his neighbour (Matt Smith) forces him to look after his cat, Former baseball player Hank (Austin Butler) finds himself the target of said roommates’ various criminal acquaintences…



Far more melancholy than it initially appears, Caught Stealing is ultimately a bit of a damp squib.


On one hand it feels like a throwback to the post-Tarantino comedy-thrillers of the nineties - combining an OTT ensemble of characters and occasional dashes of dark wit, with a dour story of redemption.


Butler is a winning presence but he is stuck in second gear as a character himself stuck on autopilot.


The film is in this weird middle lane - too cartoonish to be real, but too sombre to be fun. 


There is also something ugly and uninspired about the storytelling, particularly a questionable death of a character of colour which acts as a catalyst for our hero to change (made more questionable by the way it is hamfistedly paralleled with the death of another character of colour). It just feels like reheated leftovers from other movies.


Butler may yet become a star - he holds the screen, has genuine chemistry with Kravitz, and seems to have a better measure of the duelling tones than the movie does.


If you are new to this blog, I also co-host a podcast on James Bond, The James Bond Cocktail Hour

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OUT NOW: Relay (David Mackenzie, 2025)

When whistleblowers change their mind, they hire Ash (Riz Ahmed). A professional go-between who acts as a facilitator between almost-whistleblowers and the powerful conglomerates they are trying to stop exposing, he lays out a deal whereby the information is not distributed to the media in exchange for the safety of the non-whistleblower. He holds onto the information as leverage and protection for all parties. 


This system has been working - until Ash gets too close to his latest client, Sarah (Lily James).


Her former employer has hired a fixer of their own (Sam Worthington) who is very interested in wrapping up all loose ends - including Sarah’s new ally…



Relay feels like some kind of salute/tip of the hat from Riz Ahmed to the Deaf community after Sound of Metal.


His character utilises the relay service to communicate with his clients, a service Deaf people can use to make phone calls by typing out what they want to say to an operator who repeats it verbatim. No numbers are kept, no conversations are recorded. It is a great conceit - if a bit unlikely for a motion picture.


But to their credit, the filmmakers pull it off.


This is a slow-burn, but it never gets bogged down.


It is so compelling, and Riz Ahmed’s performance so effective, that you do not notice the main character has not spoken for the first several scenes (I did not time it, but it seemed to be over ten minutes).


While the characters mostly communicate via the relay service (they do not come face-to-face until the third act), the film moves so smoothly between their different perspectives you never notice. 


It was so good, I was disappointed by a third act twist that feels a little tacked on.


It makes the movie a little less cookie-cutter, but it kinda reinforces the character’s paranoia, rather than allowing him to move beyond it.


Still, an effective thriller. Recommended.


If you are new to this blog, I also co-host a podcast on James Bond, The James Bond Cocktail Hour

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Sunday, 31 August 2025

OUT NOW: The Naked Gun (Akiva Schaffer, 2025)

Frank Drebin Jr (Liam Neeson) is the star of Police Squad - until a little rule-breaking gets him bumped out of the unit, and on the outs with his boss (CCH Pounder).


Now stuck solving road accidents, Drebin’s life/career appears over - until a suspicious crash victim reactivates his old skill set…





They figured it out.


After years (decades?) without spoof movies, The Naked Gun makes it feel like they never went away.


The movie knows exactly what it is doing with Neeson, and is a prime example of how the film never feels like a straight rip of the original.


Neeson is not doing a Nielsen impression, but the performance is based on the same idea: take a dramatic actor and place him in a context that is the complete opposite of the gravitas said performer is bringing. And never wink at the audience.


The film leans into Neeson’s reputation as an action star and the inherent gravitas he brings to everything.


It does not even shy away from criticising the police - there is a bleedingly sharp gag about police shooting black people, and a hilariously vicious punchline toward the end about the lack of accountability.


The film is smart enough to understand the formula of ZAZ without repeating it - instead it uses it as a launching pad.


The gags are original and very funny.


Pamela Anderson is a fine foil as Neeson’s love interest, getting to participate in the silliness as much as her co-star.


There is one montage to a song that strains a little - a surreal detour into nineties thriller parody that feels a little too broad.


The gag rate might be nearly as high as the original but they never stop trying - and they are actual jokes, played dead seriously by people who know better than to wink at the audience.


If you are new to this blog, I also co-host a podcast on James Bond, The James Bond Cocktail Hour

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OUT NOW: Weapons (Zach Creggar, 2025)

When students from a single class go missing, the town of Maybrook turns on the class’s teacher, Ms. Gandy (Julia Garner).


As tensions rise, Gandy struggles to work out what happened, and turns her attention to the one student (Cary Christopher) who made it to class that fateful day…



Barbarian was one of my favourite movies of the last few years - and I still cannot believe it has not gotten a physical release.


Such a tightly controlled thriller, with an amazing - I’ll keep it vague - shift midway through. I was primed for whatever Zach Creggar made next. 


The hook for Weapons is one of the strongest I have seen in a while - it immediately stabs into a deep primal fear: the loss of a child, not in terms of death, but disappearance. The uncanny, uncontrollable terror that this film sets out is so vivid that it overwhelms the ultimate effect of the movie. 


The hook of this movie might be so strong it is possible there was no way for it to live up to its opening.


I was trying to come up with parallels for how I felt, and the closest I could think of was early John Carpenter. Weapons feels like John Carpenter’s The Fog, in that it is the more ambitious, large-scale follow-up to a more contained thriller (Halloween).


It moves between multiple characters’ perspectives, drawing us closer to unveiling the mystery. And like Carpenter’s film, it comes across as a little scattered, building suspense in stops and starts.


There is a collection of scenes and moments, but it does not have the cumulative power perhaps intended - although the third act freak-out is terrific.


By the end, I am not exactly sure what it is building to.


There is something potent to the idea of the old preying on the younger generation - but it feels half-baked. 


Maybe my expectations were too high - it is definitely worth a rewatch. The cast (particularly Julia Garner and Josh Brolin) are solid. I appreciated how spiky Garner’s take on the central teacher is - while the film aligns us with her perspective for a portion of the film, there is no attempt made to make her some kind of perfect victim or a steroetypical final girl. She is a mess, drinking constantly and trying to seduce her married ex, all the while trying to figure out the mystery. 


There are things to like in Weapons. But it always feels like it never quite taps all the potential of its premise.


If you are new to this blog, I also co-host a podcast on James Bond, The James Bond Cocktail Hour

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.


If you enjoy something I wrote, and want to support my writing, here’s a link for tips!